


Caught Up In A Dream

by EndorphineVonStorm



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Drabble Collection, F/M, Fluff, POV Lavellan, POV Solas, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition, Pre-Dragon Age: Inquisition
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-07-19 21:33:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19980844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndorphineVonStorm/pseuds/EndorphineVonStorm
Summary: How fitting for a Dreamer, the Roamer of the Beyond no less, to fall head over heels for one whose name means "One unending dream". How ironic for the hunter to allow the wolf in her heart.What's the old Dalish curse ? "May the Dread Wolf take you" ? And so he did.A collection of drabbles from Solas and Saeris point of view, setting during, before and after Inquisition/Trespasser.





	1. A happy mistake

Solas felt responsible for her.

Which, considering the recent events, was an appropriate feeling. If not for his miscalculations, she wouldn’t be here, now, with some of his power trapped into her hand, potentially killing her, and tasked to closed the Breach and the rifts by those who first wanted to kill her. This world may be one of Tranquils, none deserved such a fate. Once again, his mistake has brought unwarranted strife to some of the People.

  
There was enough reasons to keep her alive, the Anchor being the main one, but his conscience had also stepped in : his hands had unwillingly forged her cage, so they would make sure she didn’t suffocate in it.

  
He started by watching her form affar. The few days after her waking had not been kind to her. No one but Varric and Solas seemed aware of it.

  
First, they gave her her own little house. She said polite thanks, in her calm, almost shy voice, and always forgot to keep the door and windows closed. They gave her some new clothes and new sets of armor, all cut from human fashion and habits, she put it all neatly in her new wardrobe, lined up the shoes beside the door, and never wore them once. People would come to her to ask for the blessing of the Herald of Andraste, and she couldn’t respond at all because she had no idea what an andrastian blessing was like.

  
They all were so concerned by their own needs, they didn’t realise it was too much for her in so little time.

  
She was a Dalish elf, and everyone expected her to behave like an orlisian noble woman in the blink of an eye. Varric had took pity on her and was shadowing her every step. It was not his first time helping lost Dalish puppies to adjust to the harsh human world. He always took time to explain the means, the use, the reasons for everyting she frown perpexly at.  
But as it turned at, Dalish she was, but lost puppy, absolutely not.

  
After days of seeing her still walking with the typical elvhen footstraps, which she had ingeniously added to her new clothes, Cassandra and Cullen asked her why she didn’t put on shoes.

  
_You must be so cold, the Seeker said. Don’t you feel the frost ?

_Of course I can feel it, Saeris replied calmly.

  
_Then why don’t you warm your feet with socks and shoes ? asked Cullen

  
_ If I did so, then how would I be able to tell right away by the texture of the snow if it’s safe to walk in this area ? To judge by the hardness of the earth how far the frost has reach and if it’s possible to dug a camp or a firepit ? If I’m going to leave traces that can be followed ? How am I going to be quieter than a cat if the sole of my shoe cracks over whatever I’m walking on ? How do I find balance on uneven ground if my toes can’t adjust and grab while they’re restricted by the leather ?

  
Cassandra and Cullen watched her, mouths agape, while Leliana was chuckling. Saeris had a gentle expression yet you could tell that was the end of the discussion on her part. Ever since, shoes, or absence of them, stop being an issue.

  
Solas understood that she was no prey, lost in a environment foreign to her. She was every bit the hunter, taking her marks.

  
Her quiet and calm nature hid a very keen eye and a witted tongue. She observed and listened all, assessing her surrondings and judging the best course of action. When she felt confident enough, she opened up. She still had a hard time letting go around the Commander, but Varric had quickly earned her friendship, Leliana her interest and Cassandra her respect. He saw her talking to them often, each time more warmly than before.

  
She had come to him as well, seeking the company of one of her kind. She understood quickly his point of view about the Dalish as he made no effort to hide it. Yet she surprised him by, rather than taking offense, trying to find the source of his disdain. Once uncovered, she apologised, and promise to make better by him in the name of her kin. The softness of her understanding took him aback. She called him hahren, and smiled at him.

  
Same surprise caught him one morning when Saeris and him watched Cassandra and Varric have one more banter the Seeker couldn’t hope to win. A couple of kids had then wonder it Dalish elves truly slept all together, on each other, like dogs in kennel. Her expression darkened, Cassandra and Varric turned to her with worry, but the glint in her eyes had gone as fast as it came. She looked at the children and inquired in her soft voice :

  
_ Where did you heard such a thing ?

  
_ One of the guards, replied a boy.

  
_ Well, if you want to know, it is not true, she said, lowering herself to the level of the children. But we live in clans, and are nomads, so we live in those sailed caravans. They’re not as big as houses, so most of the time we sleep outside, under the stars, around campfires, in comfy bedrolls. We only sleep in the aravels when it’s to cold, and they are organised so everyone has their own bed. It’s a bit cramped, but like bunks bed.

  
She went on more about daily Dalish life, the kids listening to her until she was sure she’d scratch off the prejudice. She chose to educate instead of reprimand. She understood those kid were just repeating what they heard from grown-ups, and if given the actual facts from a proper source, they would make their own opinion about it. While Cassandra was already stating how such preconceptions could no longer be tolerated now that Andraste had chose an elf as her Herald, that people had to learn to respect everyone just the same, Solas kept thinking that even if Saeris getting the Anchor had been a mistake, maybe it would turn out to be a happy one.

  
The more people arrived at Haven, the more Saeris started to let go of her caution. The mercenary company they hired on the Storm Coast was the most telling change in her behavior. She got along immediatly with their leader, the Iron Bull, and lieutenant, Krem. It seemed this motley crew was to her the example she needed to reassure herself : different races could work together just fine, and if the Chargers could do it, then so would the Inquisition. They welcomed her with open arm, and even though they called her « boss », they treated her like one of their own. Adding Varric to the mix made the evenings at and around the tavern quite lively.

  
Still, she came to him. To find peace and quiet. To ask him about the Fade and ancient times. Each time she asked a question, he would answer the best he could. It always led to more questions from her. Her curiosity appeared an insatiable thirst, the more she drank his word, the more she wanted. He expected her to recoil at his description of spirits, but the marvel in her eyes left him dumbfounded. She alone was more open-minded than all of the Dalish he’d met since he woke up from uthenera. It had become sort of a ritual between them : when the agitation from the tavern grow too much for her, she’d seek out his company to quench her thirst of knowledge.

****************

Sleep wouldn’t come this night. After turning again and again in his bed, Solas gave up the idea. Reading didn’t seem more appealing. So he put on a coat and left his tiny cottage for a walk.

  
Haven was peaceful at night. Outside the few patrols, everyone stayed in to avoid the cold. And the Breach bathed the village in a peculiar light, reverbereting against the snow, making the poor andrastian folk uneasy. Solas loved it. Of course, the fact that it came from a massive tear in the Veil, threatening to swallow the world and turning his plans upside down wasn’t much of a cause to rejoyce. But that unique light, the very dim song of the Breach, the way the clouds swirled…it reminded him of the Fade, and of Elvhenan. It reminded him of home. And of how much he longed for it. It was so hard, under this beloved light, to tell what was real, and what was a dream. This world ? The Fade ? He had slept for so long, sometime he couldn’t tell the difference anymore. This was why it was so important to change this reality. The world had to make sense again. His people needed it to make sense so they could wake up too.

  
He crossed the village under the watchful gaze of the guards along the fortifications. They knew the Seeker, the Commander and the Left Hand gave him all lenght of action, but to them, he was still an elven apostate. Not to be trusted. If they knew…  
His feet carried him to the front gate. Stoping outside, he lifted his eyes to the sky. The Breach was behaving. His gaze then fell on a lonely silhouette on the pontoon by the lake, its snowy white hair dancing in the wind. He walked to her.

  
Her back was to him but he knew she heard him coming, she was too much of a hunter to miss the sound of his steps on the wood. She was sitting by the edge, her legs under a bear pelt, a woollen plaid around her shoulders.

  
_ Care for some company ? he asked.

  
_ Yours ? Always ! she said turning her head to him and lifting the pelt.

  
He sat by her side, covering his own legs with the offered pelt. She then hold out a flask to him. He raised an eyebrow. Her teasing smile was the only answer he got. Curious, he accepted it and took a tentative sip. It was warm milk, with a touch of honey and cinnamon. She laught when the realization hit him.

  
_ How naughty of you, Herald, he said with a smirk. Hidding by the lake to drink warm milk. What is the Seeker going to do with such a wayward child ?

  
_ She wouldn’t have any trouble bringing me back in line. Have you seen how she glares ? She did it do me way more than enough the first few hours I spend with her. Never again.

_ Sleep evaded you then ?

  
_ As it seem to do you. I’m just more surprise. ‘Thought it wouldn’t be an issue for you.

  
_ Even Dreamers can experience short insomnia, he jested. Awfully ironic, I’m affraid.

  
_ It the bed, she explained. It too soft. I feel like I’m sinking to the floor.

  
The comment made him laugh softly.

  
_ It does require a bit of time to get use to it. But give it a chance, da’len.

  
They fell into a confortable silence, exchanging the flask, appreciating the quiet of the night. He cast her a sidelong glance. She was watching the Breach, seeing past it. Its greenish swirl reflected slightly in her eyes, overshadowing their icy blue color.

  
_ Are you much worried ? he asked soflty.

  
She shifted under her plaid.

  
_ Everyone expects me to know what to do but…I’m just as lost as they are. I cannot even remember what happened to the Conclave. I’m trying to, but it’s just…blank.

  
_ You have shown willingness to help, and good judgement by chosing the mountain pass. Your small council remembers it. They know you will be able to display your good qualities in times of troubles. And you are not alone.

  
She chuckled dryly :

  
_ I wasn’t aware of the presence of other Heralds.

  
_ You know what I mean. So far, all of us have make a good team, there is no reason to believe we would not continue as such. Or did the Lord Seeker’s words got to you so badly ?  
She frown her nose at the memory of their trip to Val Royaux.

  
_ Am I the only one to feel like their is much more going on than we suspect ? she wondered outloud. The Lord Seeker, Grand Enchanter Fiona…they were…weird. Or is this just my Dalish showing ?

  
_ We will certainly get answers when we met with the Grand Enchanter. If it is still your wish.

_ Why wouldn’t it be anymore ?

  
_ The Commander is pretty adamant in seeking the aid of the Templars.

  
_ To the Void with the Templars, she wishpered. Cullen is a good man, but the Templars are part of the problem, not the solution. And deep down, he knows. He wouldn’t have left otherwise.

  
Solas and her had spoke of her opinion about the Circles before. As a Dalish, we was vicerally against it, but she also saw their faillings and flaws objectively. Madame de Fer and her had drastic opposite views about it, and their relations was therefore strentch awkwardly.

  
Her gaze returned to the Breach. He noticed her left hand forming a fist around her plaid.

Solas felt it better to change the subject.

  
_ Why Dirthamen ? he inquired.

  
She gave him a baffled look. With his chin, he pointed at the dark crimson lines on her face.

  
_ You know how to recognize vallaslin ? she asked.

  
_ I have met enough Dalish to.

  
_ I was sent as a spy for my clan, and you ask why I prefer the Keeper of Secrets ? she remarked with a smile.

  
_ A fair point. But I guess there is more to that.

  
_ He is the one who seeks knowledge.

  
He waited for her to keep going, his eyes on her. With a defeated sigh, the corner of her lips turned up, and she said :

  
_ He overcame Fear and Deceit with the strengh of his love for his brother. His bond to Falon’Din was enough for him to cast aside their words. But it’s also the same love that allowed him to let go of Falon’Din when he realised they had to walk different path. He loved his brother enough to understand he had to follow his calling on his own. It takes courage to let the one you love away from you for their own good.

  
Solas wanted to tell her how different the truth was. How, again, the Dalish had it all wrong. But he didn’t. The beauty of the sentiment she spoke of deserved to be unsoiled. And he never heard of Dirthamen’s story from such a point of view. She really had the ability to find meaning where people wouldn’t go to look. That same surprise, again…

  
_ We leave for the Hinterlands tomorrow, she said, changing subject again. Cassandra, Varric and I. With a few Inquisition soldiers of course. Would you come with us ?

  
_ Gladly.

  
The smile she gave him was beautiful, full of hope and joy.

  
Yes, this world may be wrong, appart from itself with the Veil blocking magic and the Fade, its people shadows of themselves, but her…she felt real. She actually gave him hope that the situation could be solve.

  
She was a mistake. But for sure a happy one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only in the middle of my playthrough that I saw on FenxShiral's Project Elvhen that Saeris was an actual elvhen name, and it meaning "one unending dream". It was just so perfect. I chose that name because I liked the sound of it, and now it just added so much meaning to the story and Solas and Saeris' relationship.  
> Like every person who fell into the Solavellan Hell, I love imagining all the part we don't see in the game so...  
> I will try to add new chapters regulary. It won't be in the story chronological order, more according to wich part I feel like writing about.
> 
> English is not my first langage so sorry for the mistakes.


	2. Under the Dread Wolf's gaze

As the day went by, the weather in the Emerald Graves became hotter, heavier. As the sun started to lower on the horizon, a thick layer of dark purple clouds filled the sky by the east. A summer storm was brewing. By the time they arrived at the advanced camp set up by the Inquisition scouts, the birds flew low, heat flashs lit up the sky, and the wind had picked up. The kind of weather Saeris always loved.

They had spend most of the day in this gods forsaken castle. Full of undead, torches that lit themselves, secret doors and openings…without mentionning Cole’s comments. Yes, the atmosphere had been lovely. The revenant at the end was the cherry on top of the cake. As her companions chatted lightly beside her, Saeris couldn’t turn her thoughs away from what they found in château d’Onterre. A whole family and house killed by a demon, because the parents of a little girl feared shame will fall on their name if it was known the girl had magical talents. If Saeris felt great sadness toward the poor child, she couln’t help but thinking the parents had it coming. They put the name and good reputation of their house before the needs of their child. It was so selfish in general, and in this paticuliar case, reckless. No matter one’s position toward circles or magic in general, a gifted child cannot be left to their own device.

Her frown must have been obvious, because Cassandra looked at her with worry and asked :

_ Something on your mind ?

_ Nothing. Just…another inner rant about shem attitude.

The Iron Bull snorted at that. Solas eyed her curiously.

_ Still not over Castle Creepy ? asked Bull. Come on, you’re tougher than that, Boss.

_ I’m not sure the undead are the problem here, Cassandra noted.

_ I’m just wondering how those people could’ve been so careless with their own child, Saeris said. I feel like shems are so terrified of magic after centuries of Chantry preaching they don’t understand it’s not the magic itself the real danger. It’s its inexperienced use.

_ Beg to differ, Boss. Magic in itself is pretty dangerous.

_ So is a blade, Solas interfered. Anything can be dangerous, depending on how you wield it. But between the hands of a well trained person, it will always be safer than in the hands of the ignorant. I seem to recall none of you were ever harmed by Dorian’s, Vivienne’s or my magic.

_ True, Saeris added. This poor girl never learned how to use magic properly, so it spinned out of control, and everyone paid for it. All of this because her parents were too concerned for their reputation.

Cassandra looked at her with open surprise :

_ So you would have send her to a Circle ? But you hate those.

_ Considering what we saw, even a Circle would have been better than…that.

_ The parents could have at least try to find a suitable tutor, Solas said. Apostates often prefer the protection of a wealthy family over constant running.

_ Yeah, ‘cause that worked so well for the kid of Redcliff’s arl, Bull said dryly.

Cole, who had remain silent until then, looked at Saeris from underneath his hat :

_ You can’t help her anymore. But you did what you could.

Saeris smiled tenderly at him, pressing his hand in hers. Then she looked back at Cassandra :

_ No matter who the next Divine is, attitude toward magic needs to change.

_ It will not be easy, Cassandra sighted. And you cannot deny some of that fear is justified.

_ No change ever is. But after the Mage-Templars war, the old system showed its limits. And the rebel mages helped us close the Breach, they help the Inquisition freely, and no accident happened. All of this can be used to start changing minds, no ?

She saw Cassandra roll her shoulders awkwardly. She knew her friend could see her point, but she also was well aware of the reality.

Before she could reply anything, so sound of the Inquisition’s banner flapping into the wind caught their attention. The officers had cleverly establish the camp on high ground, and ruins of ancient walls formed a good protection from a least two sides.

While a scout greeted Cassandra, Solas walked to Saeris side with a small smile.

_ I admit I feel a bit guilty, Saeris told him.

_ Cole is right. You did what you could. You are no more responsible for what happen to that child than you are of her parents choices.

_ I actually wasn’t thinking about this, she admitted. It’s…

She hesitated.

_ It’s just, we encountered a few abandoned estates. It seems that none of the shemlen who chose to live here ever stayed very long. Like the forest wouldn’t allow it. And part of me is glad to see that bad things happens to the shems who think themselves entitled to claim a land that was once our. Human houses shouldn’t be able to last on elvhen graves. And I feel horrible thinking it ! I’m the Inquisitor, I shouldn’t…

Solas watched her without saying anything. But his eyes were not judging. On the contrary, he looked like he understood her perfectly.

_ Anger is natural, he finaly said. There is so much history, and you are proud to be an elf, you cannot turn a blind eye to your people suffering, past or present. No one has the right to blame you for it. Plus, you never act upon that anger, it never clouded your judgment, so people should know you can separate your feelings from your duty. As regarding you being the Inquisitor, do you really believe, had the Inquisitor be any other race, more so if human, they wouldn’t of their people first in their though ?

His words quelled her guilt. A little.

She prefered to turn to Dorian, whose voice hailed them from inside the camp. The others had arrived before her team, and the Tevinter, Varric, Sera and Blackwall were already eating their evening meal far from the campfire.

_ Your worship, an officer said. May I take your pack to your tent ? That is, if you don’t want the camp to move.

Saeris looked at him, not understanding his meaning.

_ To move ? Why would I want the camp to move ?

_ It is well located, but we weren’t sure if you would want to stay here considering the…

He gestured toward the back of the camp. Following his move, Saeris finally saw the big wolf statue. They’d seen many of those in the Exalted Plains and here in the Graves. Always a sitting wolf, hears turned front, tail curled, in a peaceful, watchful posture. A little smile appeared on Saeris’ lips. The scouts had taken into account her Dalish believes. They’d remembered her people would rather avoid the Dread Wolf. And she was incredibly touched by this small gesture. It was a nice change, after all.

_ It’s all right, she said. But thank you for thinking about it. Really.

The officer smiled at her, apparently happy to pleased her, took her pack and brought it to a tent. Her companions and her then sat by the sides of the other inner circle’s members.

_ You really sure it’s ok, my lady ? asked Blackwall. We don’t want to make you inconfortable.

She took the two bowls of food he gave her, handing one to Solas beside her.

_ Yes it wouldn’t do if the Inquisitor ran off screaming in the middle of the night because the Dread Wolf watched her take a whiz.

Sera cackled manically, Cassandra glared at him, and Solas’s food seemed to go down the wrong way for he coughed vigorously. Saeris ran a hand on his back, while laughing at Dorian.

_ It’s fine, really. I’ve long stopped being so skittish around him.

Regaining his composure, Solas remarked :

_ Quite unheard of, from a Dalish.

_ Yes, but my clan is a bit more…lenient toward him. Not that we trust him, but our opinion is more nuanced.

_ I remember Daisy always asking him to « take » her enemies, Varric said. What happened for your clan to tolerate him ?

_ It’s an old story, nothing worth…

She was cut off by a chorus of protests and exclamations. Varric raised an eyebrow, as saying « do you really think you could get away like this ? ».

_ Alright, alright, she said, her hands raised in sign of capitulation.

She took a bite of her food, then started :

_ When I was around four or five years old, some shemlen attacked our camp. We had to flee, but other kids and me got separated from the adults. We ran off in the woods, not knowing where we were going. After a few hours, we stopped by a statue kind of like this one. There aren’t much in the Free Marches so it surprised us. We were tired, lost, and soaking wet because of the rain pouring. So we put the few belongings we had at the feet of the statue as offerings and we prayed for the Fen’Harel to protect us through the night. Then we sat around and on the statue to go to sleep. I slept between his paws. And in the morning, we were waken up by our clansmen. They had searched for us the whole night, while the humans got lost in the forest as well. They were worried to see us by the Dread Wolf, needless to say. We left, recovered what we could of our old camp and made a new one far from there. During the months that followed, we were always waiting to see where and when the slow arrow would fall. But it never did.

_ So you believe your trickster actually protected you ? Dorian asked.

_ I honestly have no idea. Maybe he did. Maybe it was sheer dumb luck.

But then, she raised her left hand and the Anchor sparkled.

_ Or maybe I am paying the price for that help right now.

As to add some drama to her words, the first roll of thunder resonated in the valley. Solas, whose eyes were lost in the sky and brow deeply frown, turned to her :

_ What do you mean ?

_ You said the foci were dedicated to members of our pantheon, she said. Maybe he wants his back. And I owe him.

Solas’ face was blank, but she knew him well enough now to see the gearwheels turning in his head.

_ Or, yet again, it is all complete chance, a random chain of events. Perhaps we will never know. But after what happened when I was kid, and the lack of repercutions, I guess my clan became a little more okay with Fen’Harel than most.

Another roll of thunder broke the peacefull evening. The sun had set and the air was still heavy. Lightnings appeared more often, brighter, bigger. Saeris found it beautiful.

_ Better not be out tonigh, Blackwall said. We should head to your tents.

Cassandra agreed and rose to her feet. Blackwall, Varric, Cole and Sera followed suit, but Saeris said :

_ I’m actually going to stay here a bit, to watch.

_ So will I, said Dorian. It is quite beautiful indeed. Plus, let’s be honnest, if I were to ran away from lightnings, Madame de Fer would never let this die !

That comment rose many laughter, and Iron Bull filled Dorian’s mug with beer, clearly intending to stay as well, while the others said their goodnights and walked away.

_ Mind if I keep you company ? Solas asked.

She smiled at him, and manœuvre to sit between his legs, her back against his chest. He passed his arms around her, and she intertwined their fingers. She knew he only allowed himself to be so outward in his affection because now, it was only the two of them, Dorian and Bull, too focused on each other to mind, and a few scouts busy to keep watch on what was _outside_ the camp. She enjoyed it all the more. She let her head rest against him, just underneath his chin. She felt so safe like this. While he was guarding her, it felt like nothing could ever get to her. She felt his jawbone collar between her shoulder blades, and the skin of their arms, both uncovered because in the fair weather, felt soft against each other. While watching the storm in confortable silence, only broken by the thunder and Bull asking if Dorian’s footsies were still freezing, she played distractedly with one of Solas’ fade-touched onyx bracelet, and she felt his nose in her hair. As the storm got closer, he murmured into her ear :

_ Do you really believe the orb to be Fen’Harel’s ?

She shrugged :

_ I don’t know. He’s the only Creator not locked away, but Corypheus never said where he got it, so it could be any gods. And if Fen’Harel did really protect my clan’s children, me among them, it would be a good way to repay him. Even if the though of him with something as powerful as the orb is not a soothing one ! Creators, the things he could do with it…

_ What does the Anchor feels like ?

_ You mean aside from painful ? she jested.

Which she regretted, because Solas tensed immediatly and asked with concern in his voice :

_ Does the Anchor still hurts you ? I though it wouldn’t anymore, not after you got used to it, used it so often…

_ Solas, she cut him. It’s okay, I would have told you if I was still in pain.

She felt him relax considerably.

_ But what did you mean ? What does it should feel like ?

_ I do not know. But it is not just energy, it is magic. And magic always have a particular flavor. It defers, according to the user. When you use it, or just focus on it, what does it make you think of ? What first comes to you mind ?

She took time to think about it. She never really paid it any attention in the heat of combat, but if she let her mind dritf to it in moment such as this…

_ It feels like the forest. All of the forest, from the wind in the leaves to the smell of moss, the sun piercing through the trees, the soft song of a stream, the caress of grass under the feet. But also the musky smell of old ruins. Not the kind of forest like here, in the Graves. One more ancient, more deep.

_ Does it feel…evil, in any ways ?

_ No. Old and to powerful, of course, but never evil. But it is as you said, magic in itself isn’t evil. It is a tool. It only matters how it is used.

He stayed quiet, but she could feel his lips smiling against her ear.

_ Does it rules Fen’Harel out ? she asked.

_ I wish I could tell, he replied.

They stayed there, watching as the storm keep on. No rain fell. The wind dropped. After a few hours, past midnight, the clouds parted and the stars appeared. The moon, almost full, bathed the forest in silver light. But the air was still heavy and hot.

Saeris fell asleep while Solas stroke her hair with one hand, his other tumb drawing circles on the back of her hand. Here, between Solas’ arms, her friends close, in a forest once ruled by her people, under the moon and the Dread Wolf gaze, she felt safe.


	3. Traces of him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas dissapear, leaving more questions, and the world of Thedas is slowly changing.

The Orb was lying on the floor, dark and cold. Shattered. Dead. Solas knelt beside it, took a piece of it between his hands, grief and sorrow plain on his face. Saeris shared it. Yet another artifact stole and misused, and then lost to her people. She stepped closer to him.

_ I know you wanted the Orb saved, she said quietly. I’m so sorry…

_ It is not _your_ fault.

The way he emphasized the word ringed an alarm already singing in her head. He put the fragment of the Orb on the ground, stood up and turned to her. Then she knew. The frown of his brow, the sadness in his eyes, his reluctance to move…

_ There’s more, isn’t there ?

_ It was not supposed to happen this way, Solas said.

The sorrow in his voice was cutting. And all the suspicions Saeris had since the events of the Temple of Mythal came closer and closer to be confirmed.

_ No matter what comes, I want to know that what we had was real.

It sounded an awful lot like a goodbye. The definitive kind. Her heart clenched painfuly inside her chest. She was losing him. In a completly different way than she’d lost him in that groove after he removed her vallaslin. She felt him slip away between her fingers like water. In a desperate need to hold on to him, she closed the distance between them, and craddled his cheek with her right hand, her left closing around his own. With her gentlest voice, she encouraged him :

_ Solas, talk to me.

He closed his eyes and, despite himself she knew, leant into her touch. He exhaled deeply. She could guess his heart as heavy as hers. She ran her tumb against his skin, reassuring him of her presence. When he opened his eyes, he locked them with hers. She could see the storm in their grey depths. He was about to give in. Then he opened his mouth, ready to say something.

_ Saeris ? Are you alive ?

Cassandra’s voice broke into the silence like thunder. Saeris and Solas didn’t move but Saeris knew she’d lost. The look in Solas eyes had changed completly. It was nothing but unbreakable resolve. And she knew. Knew that, the moment she’d turn away, he’d be gone. She had lost him. There was no more water in her hands. She felt the most painful stab between her ribs. A tight ball in her throat.

Without breaking eye contact, she replied loudly :

_ I’m alive.

She couldn’t say she was fine. She wasn’t. A part of her was detaching itself from her. A part of her felt like dying. And there was nothing she could do about it. She had to accept it. But she refuse dit to be the end. She made that intent clear in her eyes. She could swear she almost saw the tremor of a smile at the corner of his lips.

She let her fingers slid gently along Solas jaw as she was stepping back from him, toward the sound of the Inquisition members coming closer. He kept his eyes on her, as if the carved her in his memory. When her fingers finaly left his cheek, she turned, and started to go down the stairs. Each step taking her further from him was torture. She still felt his presence, but it wouldn’t be for long. He actually followed her at the top of the stairs.

She went to the others level, and forced a smile on her face. All of her inner circle was there, plus Vivienne and Inquisition soldiers. All of them seemed relieved to see her safe and sound.

_ Is it over then ? How lovely.

As ever, the sound of Vivienne voice made her cringe inside, but more than ever, she needed to hide it. Instead, she focus on Cole, who was looking up :

_ And the sky is healed, healthy…Whole. There’s just that left to remember.

Following his gaze, Saeris saw for the first time what the sky looked like now. Where the Breach had threatened to swallow the world few moments ago, now the heavens were lit by a dancing light, like northern lights. As if the sky too could get scars.

_ Looks that way, she said.

_ What do we do, now ? Cassandra asked, holding her shoulder. That dragon hadn’t left her unharmed after all.

Saeris turned her head toward the stairs. Solas was nowhere to be seen. His presence faded completly. There was no traces of him left. Torn between the tears that threatened to flow and the determination to find him, she blinked repeatedly to banish the tears, then turned back toward her friends :

_ We go back to Skyhold.

When she finished climbing down the stairs, Dorian fell upon her, grabbed her by the waist and lit her up, laughing :

_ I knew you would do it, never doubted you for a second. Well maybe a few seconds, but that dragon gave pause to everyone, to be fair.

Saeris couldn’t help but share his laughter, and embraced him. Would have she guessed, when it all began, that a tevinter mage would become her closest friend ? His presence felt good and grounding, and she needed that right now.

The soldiers where cheering, Sera and Blackwall shared a joke, Cassandra patted her shoulder proudly, and Varric was already explaining how he would write it, for his next book and no she didn’t have the choice in the matter. It’s only as they started to walk away that Bull threw a pave in the pound :

_ Wait, where’s Solas ?

Chatters died out immediately. They started to look around. When none spotted him, genuine concerned appeared on their faces. They started calling out his name.

_ It’s no use, Saeris eventually said.

_ What do you mean « no use », Cassandra asked. Wait, he’s not…

Actual fear appeared in her eyes, as well as in the others, and Saeris was cruelly reminded that she wasn’t the only one to care for Solas.

_ He’s alive, she explained. He’s just…gone.

It wasn’t relief but incomprehension that replaced their worry. Vivienne just snorted, and Saeris had to restrain herself from punching her in the face.

_ Gone ? repeated Bull. Why « gone » ?

_ You mean to tell us he just, what, walked away ? Varric asked. Like this ? Without goodbyes, without telling us why ?

_ The Orb is destroyed, Saeris said as neutrally as she could. I guess, he had no reasons to stay any longer.

_ Clearly, Vivienne said with way to much pleasure.

Saeris didn’t bother to respond, but the other filled in the blanks, from Cassandra murderous glare to Sera’s « Shut up, bitch ! ».

_ Let’s go home, Saeris said instead.

With one last look at the top of the stairs, she lead them back.

******

The journey back to Skyhold took them barely a few days. Without the whole Inquisition to guide and mounts, the distance between Haven and the castle was far less of a stretch. They had sent word ahead, with news of final victory against Corepheus, the destruction of the Orb, and the disappearance of Solas. Even though Saeris suspected Leliana knew already much of it. Cassandra informed her search parties would be sent to retrieve the orbs remains and ferret out eventual Venatori. Saeris agreed but stay mostly silent. Her friends understood, but still tried to change her mind with iddle conversation. When they realised she only responded to be polite, they left her be.

On the second night, Cassandra and Varric sat beside her, silently drinking from Saeris flask. She understood why they did that and what they were feeling: Solas and the three of them had been the begining, the first of their little circle, to go recruit people and make a name for the Inquisition, bounding over drinks and banters. Now, Solas was gone and his absence lied heavy between them. Cassandra’s friendship with Solas had been no less genuine than her own love for him. The two shared a mutual respect that had transformed into easy companionship that had surprised the both of them. And despite the disagreement they had about Cole’s nature, Solas and Varric had been friends too, bounding here over the love for stories and to taunt humans.

It was the only time Saeris allowed herself to cry silently, Cassandra holding her hand firmly.

They arrived at Skyhold after sunset. Saeris was tired, physically and emotionally. Tired of the trip. Tired of pretending Solas’ unexplained departure didn’t hurt her more than anything Corypheus could have thrown at her. Tired to try to find out why he left.

She was still deep in her thought when they marched their mounts to the bridge. It’s only then she realised the castle wasn’t quiet. Looking up, she saw the fortification filled with people, cheering, welcoming them home. Nobles in diplomatic visit, soldiers, servants, humans, elves, dwarves, Wardens, mages…The sight lighten her heart. As they pass through the gates, she saw the courtyard equally crowded. Smiling faces looked up at her, and their joy was contagious. It finally hit her: she did it! She defeated Corypheus, closed the Breach and saved the world. She laughted, taken aback by the sudden realisation and slowly took in the fact that, tomorrow, she would wake up in a world that no longer needed to fear an ancient darkspawn magister. She would be able to oversleep. Of course, there was still much to be done, but the worst was behind her, and she let it calm her.

As expected, Leliana already knew much of what happened, but her friend didn’t let her dwell on it. She was soon swept into a party, celebrating with her dear companions, avoiding nobles as much as she could, enjoyed the food and drinks. The sun was slowly rising behind the horizon when exhaustion finally caught up with her, so she retired to her quarters. As soon as she closed the door behind her, the noise of the still ongoing festivities faded away, and once more she appreciated the calm and serenity of the place she turned into her sanctuary, far from the outside world.

Marching toward a balcony, she stopped dead in her tracks. On her desk, Solas’ wolf’s jawbone neckless was shining under the newly rose sun. Saeris couldn’t remember neither how it got there, nor if Solas had worn it last time they saw each other. Slowly, she took it in her hands, the bone a little warm after resting under the sunlight. She took it to the baclony, wondering. Had Solas truly forgot it here? Or had he left it on purpose? She knew it to be enchanted to produced barriers and enhance those cast upon the wearer. Was it a final gift, to keep her safe when he could not? No matter how things had ended between them, she believed him when he expressed the reality of his feelings, so it could be a gift.

Her hand tightened around it and she rested it upon her heart. Watching the sun rise, she knew they would meet again. Because she would make sure of that. And then she could ask him, why he left the neckless, why he left the Inquisition…why he left her.

*******

During the next days, Saeris had no time to think about anything else but the Inquisition. She was baffled to see she was even more overworked now that this was all over. But basically ever noble of the continent wanted to meet her, every organizations wanted her opinion on various matters, she had to help overseeing the return of people displaced by both the Mage-Templars war and the Orlesian civil war, saw to the proper dispatch of Inquisition forces to maintain order.

But every now and then, Solas absence was brought back to her attention. It was always by the smallest things.

On morning Fiona announced hers and other mages’ intention to reform the College of Enchanters, exposing her the main ideas behind it. Saeris was keenly enthusiastic about it all and they spoke about it during hours, until Fiona expressed her sadness that Solas would not be a part of it, how much his experience and insight would be missed. She realised her mistake when Saeris remained quiet, lost in thought, and smiled kindly to her. Both Iron Bull and Cullen once complained to have no worthy opponent at chess now, and she suggested the idea of playing together. Dorian complained about no one being here to throw him back the books he accidently let fall in the rotunda. Cassandra and Varric kept quiet, they needed no words. It was so strange. How could his absence be louder than his presence?

Going through the rotunda was a challenge for Saeris, and she always found ways to go where she had to without going there. Everyone had noticed, but no one said anything about it. One evening, Blackwall came to her to announce his departure for the Wardens nearest keep on the morning after, to take his proper joining. She then had forced herself into the circular room. If she wanted to cope with Blackwall leaving, she had to start dealing with Solas’. She’d stay in front of the door for long minutes, her hand hovering near the handle. She then felt Varric comforting presence behind her and opened the door. The veilfire torch was gone, but everything else was left untouched : his desk still messy, the chair still pushed, pots of paints and brushes near the last unpainted wall…It was late, and the library at the second floor was all but deserted, the silence only broken by the sound of the fire cracking in the braziers. She sat at the chair and ruffled through the papers left on the desk, remnants of his researchs, sketches…She looked up to gaze the unfinished fresco. He had only drawn the outlines, giving a vague idea of the final picture. But without the colours and Solas’ mind, it was hard to tell what it would’ve turned into. She drew closer, trying to understand Solas meaning in this design. Knowing he started it after she’d won over Mythal’s dragon, he must have wanted to commemorate the event. She could make out the dragon’s figure and a sword, but was that a tree? Taking in the whole murals, she found it even sadder than this one will always stay grey and cold. Looking at the paint and brushes, she considered for a moment to finish it herself, adding her own touch to a reminder of her exploits, but dismissed it quickly. She had no skill for it and would only ruin the whole thing. Plus, this was Solas’, the only lasting thing he made in the castle, and she wouldn’t take it from him.

Two hands fell kindly on her shoulder, and a kiss was pressed on the back of her head.

_ Are you all right in there, dove? she heard Dorian say in her back.

Saeris put one hand on Dorian’s, grateful for her best-friend unwavering support.

_ I will be. I have too.

_ I know it might sound strange, considering our unending bickering, but I liked him. And I miss him too. Not as much as you, for sure, but still.

Saeris snorted:

_ He was the only one able to keep up with you. Now, we must suffer your constant superiority complex! I can’t wait for Bull to fuck it out of you.

_ My dear Inquisitor, such vulgarity!

They laughed together. Saeris fought back some tears and Dorian hugged her.

_ Come on, Dorian said. One last game of Wicked Grace with Thom will cheer you up.

********

Form the battlement, she watched the small contingent of Grey Wardens, now ant-like figures, slowly disappear into the mountains. Sera was the saddest no doubt, but Saeris was alone here. She had pulled Rainer in a close hug, thanked him for his help and friendship, and ordered him to send words as soon as his _successful_ Joining ended.

What she feared was happening, bits by bits. Now that Corypheus was gone and the Venatori all but outrooted, the Inquisition was coming apart. Her companions were returning to their lives. Dorian spoke of returning to Tevinter to make things right. Sera left more often for Jennies business, Varric was ready to go back to a now pacified Kirkwall, Thom was on his way to become a proper Warden…She was happy for them, but it reminded her that she didn’t know what lies ahead for her once the Inquisition would no longer be needed. She had pictured a future for herself, with Solas. She had imagined the two of them travelling Thedas, finding all ruins and artefacts, helping elves by working with Briala and going to Dalish clans to share History. She could tell them about the Temple and its Sentinels, she could answer their question by searching the Well, its many voices now a background noise in her head she’d come to appreciate, like the sound of the wild but gentle stream. She would have gone back to her own clan. Her father and Solas might have clashed a bit at first, but she knew they’d come around and ended up liking each other. Her little brother would have liked him on spot, on the other hand. She would have explained to them why she chose to have her vallaslin removed.

But now, all of it seemed out of reach. She had sent a letter to her Keeper in Wycome to explain to her what had happened, but she would have to tell all of them face to face eventually. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for it. Her hands played unconsciously with the jawbone she had tied to her belt.

_ Forgive me, your Worship, but Sister Leliana sends for you.

Saeris turned her head to the scout and nodded. With one last glance, she realized the Wardens were gone, so she pushed her feet to move.

Her advisors and Cassandra were waiting for her in the war room and stopped their chatter to greet her as she entered. Taking her usual place at the table, Saeris said:

_ You seem all quite cheerful today. Something I missed ?

_ The news arrived just after Thom’s departure, Cassandra explained, then turned to Leliana. But I suppose you’d rather be the one to tell her.

Leliana smiled in a way Saeris never saw before. It was true joy, and pride, and even a bit of innocent and hope.

_ It is now official, she said. I have been elected as the new Divine, and I’m expected to leave for Val Royaux as soon as possible for the coronation.

A painful mix of happiness and sorrow filled Saeris. She had hoped the clerics would choose Leliana for the Sunburst Throne. She loved Cassandra dearly and couldn’t ignore that she would be a great Divine, but Leliana’s ideas had won her over. Cassandra was offering a statu quo when Leliana wanted actual change. It would be hard and complicated, but all too needed: the last three years had clearly shown the system was no longer working. So, knowing that Leliana would move things forward was comforting. But it also meant the Inquisition was losing its spymaster, and Saeris another of her friends. Still, she genuinely smiled back.

_ I’m truly happy for you, she said. I know how much it means to you. Are you alright with it, Cassandra?

The Seeker waved a hand in a dismissing gesture.

_ I am. I know I will not agree with everything Leliana will set in motion, but her intentions are pure, and she is well aware of the corruption such power can attract. She will resist it just fine. Plus, I will have more time to rebuild the Seeker of Truth.

_ You won’t keep your position as Right Hand? Cullen asked.

_ I would like that you do, Leliana said. We work well together, and you are very good at your job. If you wish so, the position is still yours.

_ I think it’s a conversation we can have latter, Cassandra said. Nothing is too urgent. And we have a more pressing concern.

_ Concern? Saeris repeated, all joy vanished at the simple word. I thought “concerns” will no longer be an issue before some time now.

Cullen chuckled at this:

_ Sadly, the world won’t let us rest so easy. But hopefully, this won’t be too troublesome.

Saeris raised an eyebrow. When, in the past year, had anything looking trivial ended up not too troublesome?

_ We received a letter from our contact in the darwen trading company, Josephine explained. Apparently, the mines supplying the Inquisition’s lyrium are under the threat of earthquakes.

_ Earthquake? I’m not sure the Anchor is any use against that, Saeris joked.

_ Indeed, I’m not sure what can be done, but they asked us to check if the causes are natural or not. This is our main line of supply for lyrium, and with the mages still allied with us, and the word ahead, we don’t want those mines lost.

_ Alright, I’ll take a team with me, and see what’s what.

_ You don’t need to go yourself, Cullen remarked.

_ I know, but what better way to avoid endless talks with hypocritical nobles than go trekking in the Deep Roads ? Saeris joked. Plus, I need air. I mean, I need to get away from Skyhold a bit.

Her friends and advisors nodded, understanding the underlying meaning.

_ Now that this is settled, I have other news, Leliana said in a sudden much sombre tone. And I’m not sure you are going to like them, Saeris.

All around the table look at her expectantly, and Leliana actually shuffled on her feet, unsure how to approach this:

_ You know how much I detest loose ends. So, after Solas sudden departure, I double-checked his background and send some scouts to find and investigate the village he said he was from.

She seemed reluctant to said more, but Saeris had no taste for it, so she cut dryly:

_ The suspense is killing us.

_ The place is a ruin. And, according to the few locals and the state of the place, have been such for centuries. Its name only preserved in some degraded Ancient Tevinter. I apologize for not investigating this more thoroughly while Solas was here. He was clearly helping us, and other matters were of greater urgency, but it was an oversight nevertheless, given how little he shared with us. It is not clear what his plans are, if any, but I will continue to search. Whoever Solas truly is, wherever he came from, he has deceived us from the very start.

The reactions were varied. Cullen growled under his breath, furious at the deception by a mage he trusted. Josephine tried to deny but eventually express her shock. Cassandra had simply closed her eyes, shaking her head slowly. She had expected this but was not ready to accept it. For Saeris, this was nothing more but one more reason to trust her gut feeling.

_ Maybe he didn’t, she whispered.

Everyone looked at her with disbelieve.

_ I know you loved…love him, Cullen started, but there’s…

_ I’m not some love-blinded fool, Saeris cut with authoritative sharpness. And by now, I’d though you knew better of me.

_ Then you’ll have to explain your meaning, Leliana said. Because from where I stand, this look like nothing _but_ deception.

_ I think he said the truth about the village. It’s just…ever since the Temple of Mythal…It must be it!

She obviously made no sense at all because the four of them stared at her completely at loss. She took a deep breath, readying herself to voice what she’d suspected for weeks now, but never dare speak it out loud:

_ I believe Solas is Elvhen.

_ As in “ancient elf” elvhen? Cassandra asked. Like those we met at the Temple?

_ Precisely.

They exchanged glance, but she was relieved to see none of them discarded the idea outright.

_ What makes you think so? Cullen asked.

_ So many things, she sighted. Little things. Solas never looked like any elves I ever met. Taller, broader, sharper features…just like the Sentinels. The way he speaks elvhish, so differently again, and perfectly. He knows so much about the ancient ways, more than any times in the Fade could teach. He knew what the Orb was the second he saw it…

_ Abelas did called him elvhen, Cassandra recalled.

_ That too.

_ If that is true, then why not tell us? Josephine wondered. That he did not at first was of course understandable, but once we returned from the Arbor Wild, why keep silent ?

_ Maybe he feared we’d be pissed that he hid it from us, Cullen snarled.

_ Unlikely, Leliana responded. No, there must be something more.

After a few moments of silence, Saeris dared:

_ He was focused on the Orb. He wanted it saved, and was distraught then left when it got destroyed.

Leliana caught her eyes and Saeris no longer needed words. The two women understood each other perfectly and that was why they became friends so quickly. Leliana was almost reading her thoughts as they stayed eye locked, so she spelled it out for the other:

_ You think Solas is some kind of Sentinel, dedicated to whichever god the Orb belong to, and that he was tasked to bring it back safely. Once that mission failed, he left to face the consequences.

_ Possible, she admitted. Plausible, even.

_ But Solas doesn’t seem at all like the kind of person who’d serve a god, Cassandra remarked.

_ Another façade, maybe, Cullen said.

_ I don’t think so. He was very adamant on those things. And the Sentinels at the Temple all had vallaslin. He doesn’t.

_ The Orb isn’t Mythal’s, Saeris said. Its power, and the power I felt at the Temple are completely foreign.

_ I think Saeris’ hypothesis sounds true, Leliana said. It would indeed explain a lot. But a lot went sideways.

_ Like the Orb being destroyed? Saeris said with dark humor.

_ Like falling for you, Cassandra said kindly.

She had no response to that. She knew already. For months, she had asked herself why, while Solas clearly shared her feelings, he refused to give in to it. He had even said it would be “kinder in the long run”…Feeling the eyes of the other on her, she shrugged the thought away and took back the mantle of Inquisitor. She said with a commanding voice:

_ We have no way to confirm any of this as long as Solas isn’t found, and if he doesn’t want to, we just won’t find him. Keep this conversation quiet. I don’t want any rumours to run rampant and end up exaggerated or deformed. And if Solas doesn’t get word we might have guessed more than we should have, he might lower his guard. I don’t believe he will, but keep looking Leliana. I want…I need answers.

Signifying the end of the meeting, she nodded and they left, only Leliana lingering behind.

_ When do you leave? Saeris asked.

_ I have things to settle for the Inquisition first, but I think within a week.

_ Who will take up for you?

_ Chater, Harding and Rector are the most qualified, they will share the job. Don’t worry, I trained them well.

_ I know.

Leliana stepped closer and took one of Saeris hands into her own.

_ We came a long way together, she said. When it all started I had no idea where this would lead, and neither did you. But I am glad that we have found a friend in each other. I remember the Fifth Blight, and it went about the same way with Leanna. I told you long ago that she was the only person I trusted completely. Well, now it is her and you. You remind me of her…I wish you could meet. You would really like each other!

Saeris smiled more happily than she had in days, and pressed Leliana’s hands.

_ The world owes the two of you a debt it can never repay, Leliana continued. So as the new Divine, I will make sure Thedas doesn’t forget it! Cassandra told me about your…outburst in the Frostback, after the whole Ameridan business.

_ “Outburst”? Saeris repeated, lifting an eyebrow.

_ Fit of rightful rage, Leliana corrected without mirth. You were right to be so angry, people have too often turned on the other races who helped. No longer. Thedas will know a Dalish elf stood against the darkness in the name of all. And they’ll have to deal with it. Just like for the other changes I will set in motion.

_ What if they don’t?

_ I am no longer the cold Left Hand, Leliana smiled. You reminded me where my heart lies, and I will be open to talks. But people must come to terms with the fact that the world has changed and we have to change along with it. We go forward not backward.

_ To a brave new world then!

Five days later, when she left Skyhold with Dorian, Bull, Varric and Cassandra, a whole retinue left as well to escort Leliana to Val Royaux. They travelled together until the reach the Imperial Highway, then went their different ways. Watching the small army march west, Saeris took in the fact that this was indeed a new world being born. Her hand fell to the jawbone tied to her belt, wondering what Solas would really think of this. She’ll ask him. She’ll find him and ask him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter listening at Florence + The Machines' No light, no light (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGH-4jQZRcc) and no one can convince me that it's not the PERFECT Solavellan song !


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